It’s November 23rd I’m sitting on my kitchen floor on my yoga mat, surrounded by washing and cleaning equipment. Its the only space in my home my yoga mat will fit. Our living room is mid repair after a flood that took place in summer, my hallway, bedroom and sunroom full of the living room contents.
I could go out to The Sanctuary but the heating isn’t on. I don’t know why I grabbed my laptop but lets see where we go. This feels like my how my journey started, I blogged over a decade ago and now feels full circle.
Today started ok, I did wake with a little anxiety or weird energy. I did some mediation and decided to have a slower day.
My daughter was struggling to get ready for school, hormones, teen life and deadline to get in the car was not starting well, tears flowed, the energy and emotion literally pouring out of her and around her. As a parent and empath I really find these situations so hard to bare. I tried to help, chatted, hugged her, essential oils on and sent her to school. It breaks my heart when she’s like this.
To all those parents whose children struggle with school I feel you. I sometimes wish her school life away so she no longer is in that environment or consider home-schooling but I really don’t think there is a perfect solution. She is empathetic like me and is super sensory so its quite a challenge.
So today I sit in the floor. I feel tears welling but that’s ok. I know I need a release. I have been feeling it for the past few days. Then not coming to anything. I started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) 3 weeks ago and am feeling a shift already in a positive way. I am feeling clearer, more positive, not crying everyday. It is enabling me to feel more logical about healing and accepting my vestibular dysfunction. It is allowing me to connect with my soul again.
I really have experienced a dark night of the soul this year. I’m still in the cocoon healing, resting and recouping from that. So many traumatic things arose this year. I am feeling we are now through the other side but still recovering, healing and building ourselves back up.
So today as I sit here, home alone, I process what do I need today, what do I want to do?
I know I will journal, do a card reading for myself, might even record a podcast. As I type I receive a message from the school, it does feel relentless sometimes.
Checking in with my needs feels so necessary to connect with how I truly am and how I want to progress and feel.
I passed my Findhorn Flower Essences Course yesterday which I am delighted about its been such a valuable healing process and one I am sure I will share in the future. I am going to dowse for which essence to use too. See what my body needs vibrationally.
Then today I will take my first solo drive in weeks to my local forest (its about 3 minutes away) and take the dog through the woods.
So my question today is what does my soul need?
How do I trully feel?
What would I love to happen?
Off to journal, sending you so much love